Have you ever been so frustrated when you asked someone to something and they didn't do it? This comes from a lack of communication, and how people communicate differently. Some people do it by hinting, and others are straight forward. Not having the same idea of communication and how to do it can really cause some problems. However this isn't the only factor. The biggest factor of all is how you say something to someone. It could come off rude and demanding and that person isn't going to want to do anything. There are 3 different channels of communication: Words, tone, and non-verbal. All of these add up to 100% when you think of your communication ways. Words is 14%, tone is 35%, and non-verbal is 51%. All of of these play a huge factor when wanting to talk to someone. When you tell them something or ask them a question, you want to do it in a simple but nice way. Don't try and yell at them or get up in there face. When you talk to someone it should be like talking on a walkie talkie. The more channels there are, the more likelihood of a better understanding. However, there comes a part in this for the other person who is listening. Your job as a listener is to engage in the conversation or question and really give them your full attention. When someone doesn't have that, the person talking feels like they are talking to a wall and that is not fun! This whole thing about communication is important not only in everyday life, but also in our families. If we can't communicate to one another effectively, there are going to be some big problems. David Burns gives us 5 secrets of communication:
Empathy 1. Disarming Technique
2.Express Empathy
3. Inquiry
Assertiveness 4. When....., I feel......, Because......, I would like.......
Respect 5. Express genuine/authentic admiration or appreciation
Think of a moment or time when you said something to someone that caused you to feel an emotion after and analyze what you said vs. what they said. How did you feel during and after, and how did they feel. Sometimes we don't think before we speak, and we think things are okay when they really aren't.
Sometimes when we communicate, there is what we call corrupt communication. Sarcasm, which sets us up for failure, and the silent treatment. When both of these happen we are sending the wrong message to our recipient, and thing can go down hill. The time you take to think something out can change you. It can change everything. After a conversation, go through that checklist. Did you use empathy, did you say it or did you do it? What revisions can I make next time? Ask yourself these questions and really evaluate so you know what to do better next time. When we communicate effectively it can really change everything. Knowing how the other person receives it, and how you both respond can tell a lot in what is going to happen. Don't be angry at someone when talking to them about something simple. Relax, and simply talk to them in a calm voice if you want them to listen. This also goes when talking to kids. When we yell at them in a tone that isn't appropriate they are likely to almost retaliate and get more angry or continue doing something they shouldn't. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and that is our first reaction is to yell and get mad. But we need to take a step back, analyze the situation, and then go from there.
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