Preparing for Marriage

       Today marriage and relationships have become a big part of our society, especially at BYU-I. We often see many people dating, getting engaged, and then getting married and starting a life. Something we all strive for in life, yet it takes longer for some of us than others. Which is not a bad thing. Timing is different for all of us, and that is the Lord's plan. However that timing should be waiting for the right person. That does not mean settling for something or someone that is convenient. Often times we try and settle for someone that is already there and we thing we are "in love" when really we aren't. We need to almost be picky about what we want and keep our standards high. Don't settle for anything less than what we really want. 

       Things we can look for in our future partners are those things in common. It can be socioeconomic status, ethnicity, and shared family and friends. Its easier to get along with someone when we have thing certain things in common including shared activities. However it is also nice to meet someone to learn new things. But our tendency is to gravitate towards someone who has similar backgrounds and likes. Another thing we look for is someone who is attractive. We all have our own definitions of attractiveness and what we are looking for. When it comes to physical attraction, we often tend to make assumptions about them based on what we see. We can look at someone and think about their overall appearance and what we think about them. Whether they are a jock, or a nerdy person, we tend to make a judgement about everyone whether good or bad. Another tendency is to look for people that are familiar to us. A lot of times it could be looks, and others it could just simply be that they we have things in common with them. That commonality factor is a huge thing to us that we tend to look for in a partner because we feel more comfortable with them. We also have the phrase called the "Know-Quo". This is defined as togetherness (shared activities) + talk (mutual self-disclosure) + time = know. You don't truly know someone unless you spend that time together doing things. It has been said that "it takes 3 months to get to know someone." Often we hear of people meeting online and then saying they know them. When in reality they don't. They have talked, but don't know how they are in person, therefore it's hard to say you really "know" them. Today, the most often go to per se is to just hangout. If we just "hangout" and watch movies we cannot get to know that person very well either. If we look at the Relationship Attachment Model, there are 5 different levels. They are: know, trust, rely, commitment, and physical touch. With these different levels, you have to start at the top of know, before you can move down. One simply cannot be higher than the previous one. 

      A couple key things to remember for dating: we often think of it as racing into romance and we commit to fast, and don't go into dating and marriage through convenience. Take your time to make sure you know what you want in a guy, and really get to know them. Go on those dates rather than watching a movie and hanging out. Ask yourself if they are someone who you could spend your life with forever, and have them as a father to raise your kids. Nothing will affect you more day to day than your intimate relationships, meaning your marriage and your kids.